Humble servant of the Nation

Barnaby Joyce, Malcolm Turnbull split in spectacular style

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Let me take you back. Way, way back to the evening of December 2, 2017. The Prime Minister and his deputy stood arm in arm at the West Tamworth Leagues Club. Joyce had just won the New England by-election by a thumping margin and Turnbull declared he was “putting the band back together.”

Ah, good times.

Alas, rock stars and politicians are, if nothing else, a difficult and unpredictable lot. Velvet Underground reformed and got halfway through a European tour in 1992 before the band’s two enormous egos, Lou Reed and John Cale, remembered why the band had split up in the first place. The two men hated the sight, let alone the creeping presence, of one another. The tour and the reunion ended abruptly, and Reed and Cale went their separate ways.

The Turnbull-Joyce combo did not come to grief because of crippling personality conflict. although it may do so at some time in the near future. But back then the band had only broken up when Joyce discovered his unfortunate New Zealand-news. We subsequently learned the High Court did not so hold and Joyce was off to a by-election that on the parliamentary numbers at least, threatened the Turnbull government’s majority.

Full column here.

1,092 Comments

  • Penny says:

    For a while there, I thought the whole thing was mildly amusing, then came the allegations about the misuse of public funds and I didn’t think it was amusing anymore. It is terrible the way he has treated his wife and daughters and it is quite disgusting how his girlfriend/partner (not his partner/squeeze/mistress seemed to think it was Ok to break up a family. But for Malcolm Turnbull to think that making a rule that politicians are not to sleep with/root or whatever their staff is going to solve this mess really is laughable. Does he think it’s about the sexual escapades of Barnaby Beetroot that’s the issue here? Do people think that bringing up Tony Burke , Bill Shorten or dodgy claims about Julia Gillard makes it all OK? Did Malcolm Turnbull not think it a bit odd when Barnaby won the by-election that his family weren’t there to cheer him on and celebrate the victory? For anyone to now say the RGR years were worse really do have to dig deep to show me how.

    The Coalition are stuffed and if they’re not they should be. This is a political crisis of their own making. I don’t think this is a victory for the Labor Party either, what all this has done is make an absolute mockery of parliamentary processes and just shows the contempt that politicians show the voting public. A pox on all of them

    • Tracy says:

      Barnaby is only thinking about Barnaby here Penny.
      Graeme Richardson was quite scathing of him on SKY this afternoon saying he will not take responsibility for his actions, he’s only got himself to blame.
      For mine I wish he would stop sticking apologies to his mistress in the same sentence as the apologies to his wife and daughters, she’s no innocent in this.
      As for the RGR years maybe it should be the RGAT years, Gillard got legislation through a hung parliament in a civilised manner whether you agreed with it or not, that being said I really do not want to see Shorten as PM.

    • Mack the Knife says:

      True Penny, I reckon my bulldozer option was a good one. Just doze anything remotely connected to politics, leave the war memorial etc, and the nice roundabouts.

      • Penny says:

        Agree with you there Tracy, Shorten thrills me not one little bit.
        MtK, my brother has a very nice cattle farm just out of Canberra, so we could leave that and let’s not forget that TV lives in Canberra….

      • Milton says:

        I’ve fallen out of love with roundabouts, Mack. There are too many of them, a lot of people fail to grasp the etiquette required on them, they can take up a helluva lot of land and I believe they are a dangerous place to cultivate flora. Give me a swing any day!

        • BASSMAN says:

          I detest speed humps.They are everywhere and have not saved a single live….they are a great inconvenience.

        • Boadicea says:

          Try driving a manual car in France Milt. The French love them. I think they test out their “going through the gears”, Stirling Moss talents on them. One every couple of kilometres.

        • Mack the Knife says:

          What abut the ones with waterholes in the middle? The one near Goondiwindi is great for crayfish.

          • Razor says:

            Haven’t had a feed of freshwater crays for years Mack.

          • BASSMAN says:

            Did a few gigs at Goondy some years back. Had to play in a sort of cage. If the Abos didnt like U they threw full beer cans at you. One muso called Big Time (160kilo) was shot at and the bullet is still in the wall last time I was there! Gigs at the RSL were much safer! I think the pub was called The Vic (Victoria)

            • Razor says:

              I think the Vic was still there last time I was there Bassy. Also one small favour; could you not use the word Abo’s It has negative connotations to w hole range of people both black and white. It’s up there with the N word.

      • Trivalve says:

        Leave us alone Mack. Barny is from Tamworth. Or Gwabegar. Or St George. Or somewhere else. Turnbull is from the Eastern Suburbs of Synney. They’re just vistiors here. Go bulldoze Point Piper.

        • Mack the Knife says:

          I only want to bulldoze Parliament House and any other political meeting places Tri, the rest of Canberra is safe.

      • The Outsider says:

        You should be blaming the voters of New England, not Canberra.

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      Agree with your post 100% Penny, only remains for someone to put out the lights on what must be one of the silliest and most useless PMships we have seen in modern times. I attach an early copy of Malcolm’s Memoirs where he details his “achievements’, enjoy. Cheers
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeRQDyqsvEU

      • Penny says:

        Very good Henry, keep up the good work…

      • Tracy says:

        Good book HB, certainly more interesting than Ulysses which has to be the worst I’ve ever had the misfortune to have to read.

      • BASSMAN says:

        Malcolm Fraser had a book like that “The Wit of Malcolm Fraser”. Would love to know the TRUE story of him losing his pants all those years ago. Surely someone must know it. Also what did George Young die of so young and so bloody quickly?

    • Razor says:

      Agree with some of that Penny except the live cattle export ban. People died because of a knee jerk reaction to a 4 corners story. People or cattle? Ludwig’s a pretentious grub and Gillard ran with it.

      This country is splitting on cities vs country. Real country not Phillip Adams’ farm. Country will lose but then we will have to deal with the fallout from that.

      • Trivalve says:

        City vs Country. Well, that’s not just a can of worms there Razor, it’s an oil-storage tank full of worms. There’s a gulf in understanding there wider than the Pacific and getting wider every day as the cities fill up with more and people who have no connection to it , the way most of us used to. Don’t start me.

      • Dismayed says:

        More hysterical and blatantly false rubbish. razor.No surprises. Has anyone from anywhere on the land ever been responsible for any of their own circumstances? No I thought not. Why take responsibility when you can just blame it on your city cousins and put you had out for more subsidies at taxpayer expense. While never touching your special bank accounts. People died because they chose to take their own lives. Seriously get some help. I can understand the realisation that the lies you have been fed since birth are now been proven and how upsetting this could be for some. But man your stuff is just blatant rubbish.

        • Trivalve says:

          Dismayed: “People died because they chose to take their own lives”.

          Beyond the pale.

          • Boadicea says:

            Appalling

          • Razor says:

            He’s a grub TV pure and simple. He has no understanding of life outside his cloistered world. No empathy, compassion or emotional Intelligence. I gave up on him long ago. Imagine living or working with it?

          • Carl on the Coast says:

            I had a similar reaction TV. I’ts par for the course with that bloke. Offensive in the extreme.

          • Dismayed says:

            So how would you describe suicide? Are you like razor claiming somehow people are forced to choose that option? Get real.

            • Razor says:

              Poor policy forces people into a situation where they feel they have no choice and in some cases they feel their families would be better off, including financially. There are many many reasons for depression generally relating to a chemical imbalance in the brain. For instance 5 minutes with you, depressed or otherwise, would have most people seriously considering the option.

              • Dismayed says:

                As I said more hysterical and blatantly false rubbish. razor. you will conflate any topic to suit your own ridiculous lies. The cattle trade had been declining for over 9 months before the halting of live trade. Just a note you do NOT get your insurance paid if you commit suicide. So you actually leave others worse off not to mention the unanswered questions and imposed guilt they are left to deal with.

                • Razor says:

                  Don’t try and weasel your way out of your 1.58pm comment. I have seen more suicide and the damage it causes than most people would do in 50 lifetimes. Your comment was that of a grub trying to score a point on a subject where point scoring is intolerable. Did the fact occur to you if the trade had been declining for 9mths what a total overnight ban would do?

                  • Dismayed says:

                    I stand by my comments. Government actions did not “force” anyone to commit suicide. I don’t need to score points. You made the initial hysterical and dishonest comment trying to make a political point. I refuted it with facts.

              • Boadicea says:

                Murder probably, but not suicide, Razor

            • Trivalve says:

              Technically correct. Ethically bereft.

            • Boadicea says:

              How would I describe suicide? I would describe as an incredibly sad action taken by someone who feels there is nothing left for them in this world – because no one would willingly choose hurt those who are left behind to deal with it. And yes, they may well feel forced to choose that action in some instances. Alternatively they may have PTSD – as do many ex-servicemen, or suffering from depression – a terrible illness.
              Your narcissistic lack of empathy or heart is unbelievable at times.
              whether they are insured or not would not come into consideration when in that frame of mind .

              • Razor says:

                Great post Boa.

              • Dismayed says:

                If one chooses suicide and leaves people behind with the imposed guilt of not knowing what they could have done, you choose to hurt them. As usual you and razor are trying to conflate issues because you know your first efforts were completely dishonest and hysterical. How is someone “forced” to choose such an action as suicide? Ridiculous comment. No Surprises.

                • Razor says:

                  Poor public policy forces people into terrible situations. People in terrible situations, sometimes, take drastic measures. Does it need more explaining to you? You obviously have very limited life experience, no empathy and real understanding of anything beyond your highly regimented world. That basically means you are a zealot. Zealots are not very nice people and cause all sorts of grief for people.

        • Razor says:

          Have you ever eaten beef?

    • Not Finished Yet says:

      Penny, I usually agree with you, but I can’t say I found it even mildly amusing. I am reminded of the great Lincoln quote, ‘If slavery is not wrong, then nothing is wrong’. Well, if betraying the person in the world who most deserves your support, who has changed how many nappies, who has looked after sick children, gone to how many school functions and sacrificed her own career, if that is not immoral, then nothing is immoral. A point is reached where a refusal to make a moral judgement itself becomes a moral failure. No, it’s not just about the expenses, it is about the moral failure.

    • Carl on the Coast says:

      Penny, firstly thank you for your kind words in relation to one of my posts in the previous article.

      Regarding your current comment on Barnaby Joyce’s family situation, and specifically to your disgust with Ms Campion’s role in the affair. I was wondering if and unless you have a strong disapproval bordering on repugnance philosophy to marriage break-ups, was there a specific element in the Joyce family break-up concerning Ms Campion’s involvement that caused your apparent revulsion and which appears to have hitherto not been exposed in the myriad of press releases?

      I don’t want you to think I’m being flippant or that I’m totally ambivalent to the impact on families that marriage failures obviously have. However, given that nearly 50,000 divorces are registered with the ABS each year, not to mention the even greater number of long term de facto relationship break-ups, there’s obviously something significantly corroding what was once considered to be an institution of great worth.

      Perhaps we should be considering whether and why an important element our social cohesion seems to be under threat, rather than simple throwaway descriptors such as “disgusting”.

      I like your work too.

      • Penny says:

        CotC…good point and I have to say I’m not really sure why Ms.Campion in particular has concerned me. We do know that there are women who are impressed with power and I have seen it happen a lot in my observations on various human behaviours. I also know that there are some men who experience mid-life crisis and maybe that was what happened to Barnaby.
        But I think what really got to me was that Ms. Campion was welcomed into the Joyce’s family home by Natalie Joyce when they were all working for Barnaby’s continued success in the National Party. Ms Campion was well aware that he was married and had four daughters and she was also planning to marry another guy. I know mariages fail, but this woman seemed intent on snaring Barnaby for herself…..I just wonder how she will cope with Barnaby Joyce, failed politician, failed family man, failed Catholic etc.
        Maybe the word disgusting is too harsh though 🙂

  • Wissendorf says:

    The only thing missing from the Tale of Barnaby is a cigar.

  • Carl on the Coast says:

    Jean Baptiste says: February 16, 2018 at 6:35 am in response to my 5.42 pm comment on Feb 15:

    “Now you’re confused? You’ve always been confused. You’re either a frustrated ornithologist or Daffy Duck.”

    You may be aware JB that the tongue is a fleshy muscular organ inside the mouth. When it is not used for tasting, licking, swallowing or articulating speech, it is generally found in a horizontal position on the floor of the mouth neatly tucked in between the bottom teeth. Occasionally it may find its way into either side of the vestibule pouch inside the mouth. This is especially so when one is conveying a message, either by speech or in writing that is intended to be flavoured with irony. There are some folk who have difficulty twigging when the expression of one’s message uses such language signifying cynicism, wry comment or emphatic effect.

    You seem to be one of those folk JB, but don’t worry yourself about it me old mate, I fully understand.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      OK, that settles it. Daffy Duck.

    • Boadicea says:

      Gulp. Wasn’t sure here that was going for a while Carl! Bloody hell, Malcolm has got us all thinking about sex!!

      • Dismayed says:

        Only those that have trouble getting any.

        • Razor says:

          Well those that get their’s from time to time I suppose dismayed. What would worry me is what happens between times. 90% at home play up they reckon. Weird stat but who knows?

          • Dismayed says:

            Who reckons? Where did you dig up that rubbish up. I have seen just as many people who never leave town split up as I have people I have worked away with. If you are worried when you leave home you have already made the wrong choice. Another piss weak effort razor, weak and cowardly as usual from you. Seriously you reckon you talk to people about emotional intelligence. You are a fraud you have none to begin with.

        • Boadicea says:

          Yes, you are away from home a lot, you claim. Never mind.

          • Dismayed says:

            Yvonne, as far as hypocrites go you are world class. But that is where the term class and you part ways. As I have said to the weak and cowardly razor if one worries about things you have both suggested then you have made the wrong decisions long ago. Again you prove just how shallow you are. No surprises.

            • Boadicea says:

              If I was worried about your opinion of ”class” I would be worried about myself.

              • Dismayed says:

                “Takes the bait every time,” You have no class to begin with that is the point. The fact you support razor in his attempts to claim my wife is unfaithful says all that need saying about you. You supported his comments about my mother and her mother being loose and you continue to prove you are gutter trash. I don’t forget unlike you because it is convenient.

  • Jean Baptiste says:

    A sex ban! Whoooohooooo! Forbidden fruit. They’ll be at it like rabbits, banging like dunny doors in a cyclone.
    Their disgusting little minds will be preoccupied with devising plans for exciting assignations in any nook or cranny imaginable.
    A parliamentary privileged (free root) knocking shop adjacent to the car park would be the logical solution Malcolm.

    • Henry Blofeld says:

      Goodness me Mr Baptiste, your humble correspondent blushed when he read your post. Cheers

    • Boadicea says:

      Yeah agree, JB. The bar has been raised. The more forbidden is the fruit. the more exciting will be the illicit sex.

    • Carl on the Coast says:

      I say JB, I was recently reading an article about this bloke by the name of Dennis Lincoln who works in a Reproductive Unit at Edinburgh University in Scotland. He reckons humans are the most sexually active mammals on earth and he calculated there are 1 billion acts of sexual intercourse per year in Britain alone. He was also of the view that humans are 10,000 times more sexually active than rabbits. When pressed, he was reticent to divulge specific details of his calcs for fear of Britain’s finance boffins applying an intimacy tax.

      If the article is true, it’s up your nose with a rubber hose for poor old Bugs Bunny and his ilk, eh.

      It must be true ‘cause the bloke was a professor.

      • Jean Baptiste says:

        Well, it is said humans are polymorphous pansexual (anything anywhere anytime) and I must say from own experience there must be a lot of Britons who are very lazy indeed. As for the intimacy tax, that would be just too much, the effort these days is already taxing enough.
        Has he taken the Bonobo into consideration in his calculations? I had decided to reincarnate as a Bonobo but if what the fellow is saying is true I will have to reconsider.
        Give ’em heaps.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    I say Mr Insider, speaking of Barnaby Joyce, and who isn’t, PM Turnbull in a moment of exasperation has brought in his “No MPs Bonking Staffers” law to be “rigidly” enforced. Now will this see the recruitment of a new “Bonking Police” (BP”s) and if so how will they go about their duties detecting bonking? Seriously could this be the silliest thing Turnbull has ever done in a long list of silly things?

    • Milton says:

      If there is anything sillier that Turnbull has done than his “no sex with staff” ban I’ve can’t think of it. Giving the Queen’s old man another gong seems perfectly reasonable!
      I can almost visualise Christopher Pyne shimmying up some house pipe to get a pic on his phone of some sexual miscreants and then running back to tell Malcolm.
      It’s too sad. What happens to those found guilty, public exposure and then selling their story to the highest bidder?
      And whilst many would say the Barnaby saga is not about the sex the genius, Turnbull’s actions suggest that it is.

      • Bella says:

        From the last blog….So sweet of you to stoop to personal name-calling in your response to me Milton. Not cool.
        Even if you’ve had a dozen, as I suspect, by 1.40am & please don’t verbal me on any topic, particularly in relation to conservation or our ongoing inhumane treatment of refugees. It’s not that hard to be kind.

        • Milton says:

          Bella – I don’t think my comment(s) to you included name calling, nor can I see how I verballed you. Sorry if you read it as such..

        • Boadicea says:

          Your unswerving dedication to your cause is admirable, Bella.
          Wonderful exhibition on down at the Long Gallery at the moment from the Tarkine in Motion artists. I feel the need to jump in the car for a day or two over at Corinna -the real world.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      Elementary my dear Blofeld. We at “Baptistes Sexbusters Inc” are already in negotiations with the appropriate department. Our proposal is to fit all Libnat MP’s and staff with GPS tracking bracelets incorporating vibration sensors. We will also be providing chaperones, who may not be entirely reliable in the case of a satisfactory inducement. That’s between you me and the gatepost.

      • Boadicea says:

        Tracking bracelets with vibrating sensors? Can one multitask them, Mr Baptiste?

        • Jean Baptiste says:

          Good news for you Boadicea. From Bouncing Betty in the despatch department an emphatic sigh and “oh yes.”

          • Boadicea says:

            Great – do I get a discount for a bulk order? Do they come with a year’s supply of batteries?
            Reminds me of a day at the office once (before PC was rampant) – one of the guys as showing some colleagues a vibrator he had bought. One of the young female staff was approaching, so they were hastily trying to hide the goods. She strolled by, saying casually “You’ll need a battery for that, guys”

            • Jean Baptiste says:

              As a reseller or for personal use? I have a bad feeling about the postage cost for a years supply of batteries Boady.

  • Henry Blofeld says:

    Mr Insider you wouldn’t normally back Bill Shorten to win a Gulargambone Maiden Handicap but right now thanks to Joyce and Turnbull he looks like he could romp home in the Melbourne Cup by 6 lengths! What a shambolic mess is the Turnbull government and as you say Joyce now off for a week on “gardening leave” and may I point out that will cost the hard working Aussie Taxpayer $8000 for the week in Joyce’s wages! Turnbull is now approaching his 27th Negative Consecutive Newspoll and with the “Champeen” ex ousted PM Tony Abbott on 30, this record looks a certainly to be beaten. I put it to you Mr Insider and Bloggers we are seeing the “death throes” of the shabby Turnbull Lib/Nat Government and the end can’t come soon enough imho.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      Why on Earth would the public want to replace this exciting government? The entertainment value is at least as good as most reality television.
      I’m beginning to think this is all a cunning plan.

    • Carl on the Coast says:

      Well you better get your arse up to Gulargambone quick smart HB and forget your sniggering obsession about bonking and start barracking. But don’t exert yourself ’cause it’s going to be a one-horse race where the odds will shorten to zero.

  • smoke says:

    PM Turmoil being clever again
    Mal, the corruption queries aren’t going away

  • Tracy says:

    So who gets to be Scary Spice?

    • BASSMAN says:

      Gawd that soccer players wife is ugly. I think she was a spice girl. Worst boob job I have ever seen attached to a match stick bod.

  • wraith says:

    Its always the groupies that end up killing the band…

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