Humble servant of the Nation

Kiwis leave Australian national anthem dazed and bruised

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It became clear yesterday at ANZAC ceremonies and sporting events around the country. In terms of a rousing, patriotic paean, New Zealand’s God Defend New Zealand leaves Advance Australia Fair dazed and bruised on the highway.

Once all the official ANZAC functions were over and the last sporting match was underway, I put the question to social media and the response was overwhelming.

Advance Australia Fair was derided and mocked while the New Zealand anthem was extolled.

God Defend New Zealand did have some critics among New Zealanders, many of whom disliked the invocation of a supernatural being as their nation’s protector. I replied with the obvious point that no one else would defend New Zealand, especially since the Kiwis snubbed the Americans and the ANZUS Treaty in 1986.

These odd criticisms aside, New Zealanders love their national anthem while we feel ambivalent about our own.

We have been flogged by New Zealand routinely in sport and now in naked patriotism. This cannot stand.

Now, before I go on, I must advise a potential conflict of interest. In the wake of the S44 shenanigans I found myself to be a dual citizen. At the time I discovered I was a New Zealander of the Barnaby Joyce type, an inadvertent and involuntary citizen of the Land of the Long White Cloud due essentially to the fact that my mother was born in Invercargill, a place that, as the saying goes, isn’t the arse end of the world. You actually have to back up twenty kilometres or so to get a good look at it.

Last night I pulled up the lyrics and sang the national anthem of New Zealand, including the Maori verse at the beginning and I have to say while it might not have sounded flash, it felt pretty good. But I am an Australian born and bred who only remains a New Zealander begrudgingly and due to a stubborn reluctance to pay the Kiwis NZD$300 to have me taken off their books.

It was 42 years ago when we hit upon the idea of changing our national anthem from the one we shared with England, God Save the Queen.

In 1977, voters trudged off to complete a four-question referendum. Three of which were answered in the affirmative, setting the retirement age for judges in the federal jurisdiction at 70, permitting residents in the territories to vote in future referenda and requiring state and territory legislatures to replace casual senate vacancies with members of their own political parties only.

The question of holding simultaneous elections for the House of Reps and the Senate was shouted down from Western Australia, Queensland and Tasmania. Three out of four ain’t bad.

Tacked on at the bottom was a non-compulsory plebiscite (although that is possibly an oxymoron) which offered four potential national anthems, including God Save the Queen.

Advance Australia Fair won the contest although it only received majority support in New South Wales. Across the nation it received the thumbs up from 43.3 per cent of voters ahead of the second placegetter, Waltzing Matilda (28.3 per cent). God Save the Queen came in third (18.8 per cent) and the soporific Song of Australia finished outside the placings unable to make it into double figures, although it did win the favour of South Australians from whence the song came.

Waltzing Matilda carried the majority in ACT but everywhere else, Advance Australia Fair won the chocolates and shortly afterwards was endorsed by act of parliament as Australia’s new song.

One of only two intrinsically Australian songs on offer were, in the case of Advance Australia Fair, more geography lesson than anthem while Song of Australia was a weather bulletin performed to music. Both were cobbled together in the 19th Century and Australians had to wait for the invention of the gramophone before they could tap their toes to them.

Advance Australia Fair was not our preferred anthem. It was merely the best of a poor lot.

This brings to mind an amusing story where then Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser paid a visit to China within weeks of the referendum/plebiscite being held.

Chinese officials arranged a banquet with too many courses to count by way of welcome for the Prime Minister, DFAT staff and a gaggle of Australian media.

There was a problem. The Chinese did not have a recording of Australia’s shiny new anthem to play at the official function. The Chinese were embarrassed and apologetic.

No worries. Three drunken journalists (who are all deceased but shall remain nameless) touring as part of the media pack stepped forward obligingly. They would sing it. Relieved officials ushered the trio to the microphone. The heavily refreshed journos belted out both verses of the memorable ditty, “I like Aeroplane Jelly” to the delight of the Chinese contingent and the cold stares of Malcolm Fraser and his staff.

From 1978 onwards, Australians have lip-synced badly to Advance Australia Fair, rousing only at the chorus, like a nation of awkward, self-conscious Milli Vanillis. The mumbled warbling remains largely in place today, not driven by ignorance born of novelty, but I think because we don’t like our anthem very much.

I suppose we could ask Australia’s great songwriters, many of whom coincidentally are New Zealanders, to come up with something new but that, I think, would be repeating the mistakes of the past.

We must know the words and have on occasions sung the song en masse with passion in the past. Lyrics don’t matter as much as the ability to sing along.

The chosen tune must dispatch the notion that we, as a nation, are not inclined to sing like say, the Welsh or the Mongolians with their eerie throat singing. Our best efforts might be tuneless and off key but performed with gusto.

Our anthem should also tap into the idea that the best patriotic ditties are the ones born of blood-soaked revolution like La Marseillaise and Star Spangled Banner without us having to go to all the trouble of violent tumult.

My personal choice is AC/DC’s Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap not so much for its lyrical content but because the chorus sung in unison would really send excited shivers up our spines with Khe Sanh played only at Vice-Regal functions. A little decorum on these occasions is required after all.

This column was first published in The Australian on 26 April, 2019.

131 Comments

  • Wissendorf says:

    Tipped Blues to beat Pies this week, and got the money out too. Pies red ink everywhere, 1/10 favorites but Blues too juicy to resist at $8.00. And you never know; Blues have a history of upset wins in recent seasons. I haven’t forgotten Rnd 10 (?) 2016 when they squashed the Cats 104 – 81. Blues had a reasonable year that year, but I can’t remember who coached that one.
    Cats v North this week will be one way traffic.
    I’m out near Nyngan fishing my way towards Parkes but all I’m taking are carp. Tried eating one but had the taste and texture of grandad’s old thongs, and as tough as a truck tyre. Thankfully I’ve missed all election coverage. Stuff the lot of ’em.

  • Milton says:

    You’ve got to hand it to Eddie McGuire, he makes Tony Abbott sound positively polished with a microphone in front of him.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      I suppose “sounding” is not the same as being polished. The Mythbusters might like to make an additional episode to demonstrate that you can not only polish one but you can make one sound like it has been polished.

  • Drunk Journo says:

    I dunno what the final rules for the leaders’ debate ended up being but from the toilet it sounded like ScoMo and Elec Bill were given the questions in advance. What a joke! Imaging if PJK had been on stage – he would have crushed either one of the overweight looking lightweights in one sentence! An absolute joke!

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      I suppose “sounding” is not the same as being polished. The Mythbusters might like to make an additional episode to demonstrate that you can not only polish one but you can make one sound like it has been polished.

    • Jean Baptiste says:

      Drunk Journo?

      Is there another sort?

  • Dismayed says:

    Pivotal day in the campaign. Newscorp gutter rag tries to take down Bill using his Mum and then Bill cleans up Morrison in the debate by trying to explain policies and why the need for changes. Morrison continually tried to talk over and disregard the moderator. Morrison only talking about Labor policy.do the coalition have any? Never mind who will be Home affairs Minister who are the half a dozen or so Ministers that have quit the coalition government? Morrison closing statement was just rubbish. Bill clearly has a vision

  • Milton says:

    Shorten chose to exploit his mothers life during this election campaign and blubber when a party puts their slant on it. I recall old Rudd exploiting his childhood memories which some would say were embellished. Keep families out of it, on all sides, and show us the money!

  • Milton says:

    Comforting to see a young lass egging ScoMo on.
    Keating just loving being back in the spotlight.

  • Dismayed says:

    More facts about the economy that prove Australia cannot afford another coalition government.
    https://www.michaelwest.com.au/fact-check-employment-in-australia-is-worse-than-you-think/

  • Milton says:

    Someone should tell that James Jeffrey chap he needs to get the hem taken down on his kilt. An inch should cover it.

  • BASSMAN says:

    Josh Fraudenberg was very good up against Billy Bowen in the Treasurers Debate. Would have been better than Scotty as PM and Bishop? Well she may have cleaned em all up according to Richo!

  • Milton says:

    Harry, on behalf of Meghan, announces the birth of a boy.
    And Kevin and Julia set to announce their engagement.
    We live in exciting times.

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