Humble servant of the Nation

It ain’t Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France, folks

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What’s the difference between South African, Indian, English and Australian cricket?

When a South African player, Faf du Plessis, gets nicked for ball tampering (twice) he is made captain. When Sachin Tendulkar does it he remains a demigod. England’s Mike Atherton became a few thousand quid poorer. In Australia we assemble an ugly mob who bay for the blood of our cricketers and get to work with the four-by-two and a packet of roofing nails.

These distinctions offer an unusual look at national identity. Put succinctly, Australians lost their minds and their judgment over a piece of tape, some pitch dirt and a cricket ball.

I’m not sure I would refer to what happened at Cape Town between 2.00pm and 2.42pm local time as cheating. It’s an unhelpful term given approximately 99 per cent of Australians don’t understand the vagaries of reverse swing and how a cricket ball tampered with or not may suddenly start swinging around corners or stubbornly refuse to shift one millimetre off its trajectory.

It was not cheating by any legal definition. Broadly speaking, common law defines cheating as a contrived act set to deny people of proprietary rights. In Australia, where criminal law refers to cheating, it usually falls into the category of obtaining financial benefit by an act of deception. In the UK, where laws for cheating on the sporting field were brought in recently and used in the prosecution of Pakistan cricketers, Salman Butt and Mohammad Asif, Smith and Co.’s actions would not, by definition, rouse the interest of the plod.

When madness abounds, it is sensible to return to some measure of sanity by using the terms the rules stipulate. It was a code violation grade two (of four with four being the most serious).

Full column here.

451 Comments

  • Perentie says:

    Cricket saga.

    Very dumb idea by the players involved. Tampering should be better disguised, hence the abuse by South African fans. They’ve seen better.

    But even poorer form from Contrition Australia CEO, James Sutherland. Surely it was possible to be cognisant of the hysterical public mood, but still come across like he was actually a cricket person, not just another moral arbiter.. They crossed the grey line, but for God’s sake, it’s a level 2 code violation. It has an ICC penalty which was promptly imposed. Why not talk to that rather than than join the conga line of the uninformed? Changing the condition of the ball to suit a teams bowlers happens in every innings of every game. If you go too far, you get a penalty, which ordinarily, is not great because it’s recognised, and plainly apparent, that it’s a fine grey line.

    I hear that CBA has withdrawn it’s sponsorship of Steve Smith. Fair enough. CBA is a fine corporate citizen. They have a “take no prisoners” approach to business so that people don’t confuse them with Boko Haram. Corporate values? Oh, fxxk off!!

    Back on the field where cricket really matters, Peter Handscomb appears to be flirting with the traditional “good leave, bad leave” edict. There’s only two types. You can’t start your own “half leave” where you get a ball that would have been a good leave if you had left it, but pull your bat too late and edge it on to your stumps. Stop it, Peter.
    And well done to Morne Morkel. Great competitor, great career.

  • Milton says:

    Prince Charles wowing the crowd up here in God’s country. Camilla looks like she would prefer to be somewhere that had ice and lemon handy. The republican movement goes backwards after a Royal visit.

  • JackSprat says:

    Now that the Great Sand Paper Saga has reached its final stages – one last comment.
    With a few notable exceptions, international level sporting prowess that requires excellent hand eye coordination rarely goes with superior brain power.
    The incompetence surrounding the attempted ball manipulation proves the point.
    In other words, if you are going to bend the rules (cheat in another’s parlance) do it in such a manner so that it takes a 4 week enquiry to determine what was going on. By that time the great unwashed would have forgotten about the whole episode.
    Maybe ball adjustment should be made legal after the 50th over. That way we could all settle for 3 day tests 🙂
    It would liven up the first 50, that is for sure and make the next 30 even more interesting.

  • Dismayed says:

    I agree with Warne. Finally time for a clean out. Khawaja, S. Marsh, Handscombe, can be dispensed without losing much at all. Time for players like Darcy Short to come into the team. Maxwell deserves a longer run, Ashton Turner, Travis Head, Jake Weatherald, Carey ( Paine has another break to his hand) Cartwright ( as a batsmen he aint no all rounder) , Stoinis. Time to clean out. Pick some young blokes and back them until Smith comes back fresh for the Ashes.

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